The gnomes love me!!

Today a package arrived. At first glance it appeared to be an ordinary brown envelope...but upon closer inspection I found that it was a package sent from the gnomes. From the great family of Gnome to me--an unworthy but appreciative human.
Inside the package was a note which read:

"Greetings Dear Reb from new Orleans,
Enjoying Gnomecon 2007. Wish you were here. We'd show you pictures of what we did for drinks on Bourbon Street but we didn't want anyone to get embarrassed. Your imagination will have to suffice instead.
With Love and Adulation,
The Gnomes
P.S. Enclosed is a small token of our affections for you, Gnome Goddess, so you won't forget us"

As if that touching letter was not enough, it was accompanied by a gift. They sent... are you ready?.....are you sitting down?....okay, prepare yourself.....
a "Wee Little Garden Gnome"!!!!!!! he is a lovely little flower-holding gnome about three inches tall.

My desk at work will now be a much brighter place. As I stare at my computer each day, I will have a constant reminder of Gnometopia....the land where all is good and full of beauty.

Thank you, my gnome friends. I am humbled by your greatness and generosity.


AND we got an offer on the house today!!!!! They lowballed us, but hopefully they will accept our counter offer and we will be rid of it by March's end. Thank all that is good and holy.

Is that one tough gnome, or what???

So, what do you think of the bad-ass gnome on my new header? Toughest gnome you've ever seen, isn't he?
I found some really interesting ones today....some dirty ones and some cute ones and some downright freaky ones...
Check out Gnomeland!!! There are some sweet gnomes there. The "Modern/Rude/Naughty" section is particularly entertaining. There is even a motion activated gnome that farts when someone walks by!!

The Angel Gnome Won Out (thanks to the Devil Gnome)....Twice

When the Devil Gnome told me that my ass looks big he made the Angel Gnome's case. I ran that night and again tonight. Four miles on Sunday and only 3.25 tonight. I'm hoping that Angel Gnome and Devil Gnome's friends Speedy Gnome and Long Run Gnome come along pretty soon, or I'm afraid I'll be running this marathon gnomeless in May.

Angel Gnome vs Devil Gnome....

Angel Gnome (sitting on my left shoulder): "Get down there! If you run today there will be one less time during the week that you have to manage a run."
Devil Gnome (on my right shoulder): :The couch is very comfy and a movie would be very nice..."
Angel Gnome: "get the run over with and relax the rest of the evening."
Devil Gnome: "you are exhausted...have a cough and face pain...you DESERVE to lay on the couch."
Angel Gnome: "You'll have more energy after you go for a run...and you'll feel better"
Devil Gnome: "Don't listen to that goody-two-shoe pansy gnome. You feel like crap, and running on a moving rubber belt will not make anyone feel better"
Angel Gnome: "I'm sensitive. That doesn't make me a pansy. And running is the only way to train for a marathon and lose those ten pounds you keep talking about"
Devil Gnome: "Okay....sensitive. Whatever. Don't listen to that sensitive pansy gnome. Take a break. Everyone else in the house took naps today...you deserve a break, too."
Angel Gnome: "A good run is a break. Go down and savor it while you still have someone around to watch the girls and you can run without jumping off and running upstairs to rewind a movie or pick up a dropped sippy cup."
Devil Gnome: "Your running pants make your butt look big."

That does it. I'm going downstairs.

Gnomes Gone Wild!!

These bad boy gnomes are tainting the good gnome gname!!!!

These prank-playing, taunting, mocking, renegade gnomes are causing deaths..... or are they being framed, placed in this illegal spot...willing divers to come see....making the world think that the gnomes are responsible????

And then there are sassy gnomes like this little trouble maker... (you have to watch the video of the story)
I just can't understand this young and rebellious gnome generation.

Call the Gnome Tip Line If You Have Information!!

It's a Gnome Tragedy

What is this world coming to????????
Gnome theft is the lowest of low... the dirtiest of all filth... the smarmiest of all that is smarmy. Who would do such a thing?????
This is why my gnomes live inside. (much to the chagrin of my husband)

Big News On The Gnomefront!!!! They send gifts!!

Over the last couple of months the gnomes have sent me several presents out of the blue. The Gnomes write long sweet letters proclaiming their devotion to me and thank me for being their ardent defender. They know how deep my love is for them and call me wonderful things like "luscious" and "delicious" and "beautiful". These gifts have brightened many days for me. The Gnomes sent me a necklace made out of a bottle cap, which I wear nearly every day. A beer bottle cap gnome necklace may not be "business dress" according to my employer, but I think it is the perfect accessory to a nice black suit. They also sent a gnome air freshener for my car. It's the perfect scent to cover wet dog smell and the aroma of baby spit up. What does a gnome smell like, you ask? Pine, apparently. I would have assumed that they smelled more like mushrooms or the substance that is in their pipes, but what do I know, really? The Gnomes also sent a gnome statuette, which resides next to my computer. He helps me find words that are not coming to me and gives me someone to talk to when I'm alone. And then yesterday The Gnomes sent Libby a gift!!!! I'm so happy that they are aware of her love for them!!! They sent her a beautiful gnome shirt! I love it and intend to force her to wear it for every special occasion until she can't squeeze into it...Then watch out, Amelia! I have to show you the gifts. Then you may understand why I love gnomes so much. They are wonderful and generous creatures who always make my day brighter when I can use it.


















Took the girls in the bike trailer for about 18 miles. That wouldn't have been any impressive feat, but it was a very hilly route on an extremely windy day. It kicked my butt like a good long run, whereas I've been doing 15 miles on the stationary bike and not feeling like I've worked hard enough. I'm telling you, the 9 miles into the wind, with it catching in that trailer like those parachutes they use to stop racecars, added some serious resistance.

The gnomes have outgrown their current tree stump and toadstools and need to relocate to more spacious quarters. They have become desperately cramped and with only one latrine to share they have lost all hope of privacy.
When they found a home with larger trees and stumps and toadstools (and even two indoor latrines) they encouraged the man and woman to put their home for sale. And the gnomes and the people cleaned and straightened....scrubbed and scoured.....and spent hours disposing of every dog hair and removing every spot of baby spit up. And yet nobody bought their home. The gnomes are tired. They are stressed. And with the man of the house leaving Sunday for two weeks on business they are concerned about the woman's sanity. They worry that two small children, two large dogs, full time employment, marathon training, and cleaning a house for showings will push her over the edge....and they love the woman. She has kept them safe and provided lovely flowers and toadstools. She has loved them and defended them against the man who doesn't like them and the child who wants to play with them. They see that the time has come for them to stand up and protect their woman. They must find a buyer for their house. They are pleading for your help, for they cannot do it alone. Someone, please, BUY THEIR HOUSE!!!!!!!

Even the children seem to have outgrown their wagon...