Things I Learned on my trip to Ohio

It has been a very enlightening trip today.... I'm sharing what I learned today in hopes that it will improve your life.

1. Brandy in the sippy cup keeps the kids asleep--good when you need to get up at 4:30am for a flight.

2. If you must fly into Detroit (God forbid) do it early in the morning on a clear and sunny day, preferably from the North. When the sun hits the ground it reflects brightly off of all of the cars' reflectors and makes an amazing display of amber, red, green, and blue. It's truly incredible. It looked a giant Lite Bright game. It is the only time I've seen Detroit look beautiful. Fortunately I remembered to take my seizure meds this morning...otherwise all of that flashing would have had me doing the crappy-flop. (that's crappy like the fish, pronounced 'croppy')

3. Spending more time on the tarmac in a hot plane than you do in the air totally sucks-ass....and it's harder than one might think to work "suck-ass" into five separate conversations in one day. Even when challenged to by antagonizing co-workers.....Mr Richardson.....

4. Don't like running hills? Don't run in Akron...ever. For reals. I nearly died in my worn-out running shoes after running four miles. (even though I ran the first two miles with a charming young pilot from Idaho....which, I will admit, both made those two miles easier because of the distraction and nearly killed me due to running too fast in an effort to conceal the truth--that I'm a slow and uncoordinated runner)

5. It's acceptable (if not encouraged) to smoke marajuana at bus stops in downtown Akron. I think I only made it through the end of my run because the contact high numbed the pain.

6. Need an upgrade on your hotel room? Call the front desk and tell them that there was poop smeared on the toilet seat when you got into your room. They treat you real well after that and give you a room with a jacuzzi. Trust me, I know. And I didn't even have to lie about the poop.

7. Forget number 4? As a result your legs are not working? Easy fix. See number 6. Hot water and powerful jets cure all that aches you.